You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You're like the curious george of whores
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
