Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
