she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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