dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
