What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
