you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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