Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You need a sexual gate keeper
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
