I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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