i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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