; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
