my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
