i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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