she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
