i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
