I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
