I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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