um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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