Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
