a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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