Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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