i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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