when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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