thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
