well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
