I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
