I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
