Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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