Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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