I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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