I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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