they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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