i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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