there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
