this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
