Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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