You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
