I think I died a long time ago.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
