Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
