New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
