Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry about my life...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
