I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
