My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
