I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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