Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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