dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
