Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
