i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
