Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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