is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
