Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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