He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
