Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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