You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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