you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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