alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
